He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize