She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
