just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
