You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
