I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
