Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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