those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you had me at cake vodka
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
