It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
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I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
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I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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