My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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