i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
