I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
