The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
