so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Text me some of your sweat
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
