i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
