You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Is her dick bigger than yours?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
