Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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