I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
