Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
