Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
