My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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