she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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