Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
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Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
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Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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