I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
