last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
