I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think your dad took our porno
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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