rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
