i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
