they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
