then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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