apparently the secret to your success is patron
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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