hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
