You really coming over, don't trick.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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