all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
