You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
