You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
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This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
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Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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