I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
