So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
