I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
