If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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