omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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