Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
