Betty ford says i'm here all night
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
