if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
my poor anus
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
