she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
