I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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