I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
