So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
