So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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