Ambien. No doubt about it.
why do cheetos always look like penises
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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