so let's talk penis.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
