I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The best revenge is premature balding
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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