yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
