I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
