Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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