you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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