i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
