So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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