dude i'm inner monologue high
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize