There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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