Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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