3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
