Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
