I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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