I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
