i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
