In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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