This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
