apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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