4 words: hood of his car
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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