just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
