help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
