I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
